Summer Update

Overall I am doing great! I look and feel tired and I'm still not sleeping well, but I think that's just the way it goes after going through what I've gone through. I will recover and plan to slow down a little after school starts.

After going in for my pre-op appointment to begin reconstruction I've decided to hold off for now, for reasons I can't really talk about in this format. Suffice it to say I have a new plastic surgeon and will be getting started in October. I wanted to enjoy the rest of my summer pain free (the expanders can be painful for the duration they are in, as they are enlarged each week to stretch the muscles). We are also planning a vacation to Disneyland with the kids in October, so I'd rather not be in pain or on drugs for that experience either.

The lymphedema in my left arm is getting worse. My arm feels heavy and it is swollen. It feels spongy, like a sand-filled stress ball. I'm also retaining fluid around the incision site on the left side. I really need to stay in bed and elevate my arm, but I can't do that - it's summer and I'm having fun with my kids and husband! I do elevate it when I can... mostly late at night after I've taken my lorazepam (relaxing medicine). Austin makes pillow piles for me to rest my arm on. I'm currently re-decorating Amanda's room, it's an easy project that will be done by Saturday (hopefully). I know the painting will aggravate the swelling, but it's worth it to accomplish this for her. I see a specialist at the lymphedema clinic on Tuesday. They will probably give me a compression sleeve to wear, which I'm sure will help some. My attitude (which is not what the doctor wants to hear) is to to for the gusto until I see the specialist - maybe I'm not the best patient right now, but I am living life and doing what is important to me.

On the last day of school we made a list of fun things we wanted to do this summer. We've done a lot - so far: hiking, puppy classes (our dog failed puppy class, that's another story), camping, Mariner's game, picnic, sleepovers, go karts, drive-in movie, have lunch with dad, swim, go to camp, vacation bible school, plant flowers, bike riding, get ice cream from the ice cream man, Nathan's birthday, go to Corbin's house, ferry boat ride, Orcas Island, camp fires, s'mores, lots of reading and fireworks. Left on our list are: make home made root beer, soccer camp (planned), water park (planned), Cannon Beach with friends (planned), ride the ducks (planned), sail boat ride, dig clams(planned), car races and fishing (planned). Whew! It has been awesome!! To top it off we had an absolute blast at my brother's 40th birthday party. I've never had a better roasted pig. Loved it!

I have been busy making two family picture walls, one going up the stairs and the other at the top of the stairs. I've also framed some pictures from our trip to France. This has been a big project because I've never ordered prints since switching to digital in 2003! It is easy and now I'm hooked. This is very morbid, but honest - in case I die I want lots of pictures of me around the house. A dear friend of mine made a CD for me when I was going through chemo. It has the song "Keep on Rollin'" by REO Speedwagon on it. I've been listening to that CD in the car a lot lately. It is exactly what I have got to do - physically, mentally and emotionally - Keep on Rollin'. I listen to my chemo play list all the time and have added that song to the list. Every day cancer free is another day toward full recovery. I continue to pray for full recovery and complete healing. I am also able to attend my young survivor's breast cancer support group more regularly, which is very helpful. My next appointment with the oncologist is the last week in September.

We Walked

Look at my beautiful family! I love you guys! We walked together in the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure last weekend. It was a very emotional day, bitter sweet - so awesome to see the "sea of pink" with thousands of people showing their support, at the same time I was reminded of all the women who have lost their battle to this horrible disease. Lots of tears, but I'm glad I did it. I met some of my Young Survival Coalition friends there. We walked in the survivor's parade after the race. I will be honest and say that I don't really feel like a survivor yet. I am glad to have survived four rounds of chemo. I am thankful to be alive. I will feel so much better after I make it through the first year without a recurrence, then, each year after that. After I hit the five year mark I'm sure I'll feel safer, but even that's not a guarantee. I think my friend Maria said it best, "I won't feel like a survivor until I hold my grandchildren".

3 Month Update

I saw my oncologist last week. Everything looks good. He did some blood work, which came back fine. I have the green light to get started with reconstruction! I don't have to wait until fall. So, I need to get in touch with the plastic surgeon, have a consult, pre-op and surgery to put the expanders in. I chose one of the top plastic surgeons in Seattle who specializes in breast reconstruction. He works closely with my breast surgeon. The expander is basically an empty implant that is placed under the pec muscle. Each week it is filled with a bit more saline and over time the pec muscle stretches out. After that process is complete I'll have a "swap out" surgery. After all I've been through this seems pretty easy. By this time next year I should have the new "girls".

Cruise to Cozumel

Fun long weekend cruise from Galveston to Cozumel to celebrate a friend's 40th birthday. Lots of reading, relaxing and sun! No, I don't have the swine flu. I was barely in Mexico (just long enough to walk to the snorkel boat) and nowhere near Mexico City. It was fun to wear a hat because I wanted to, not because I had to cover my bald head. I enjoyed snorkeling in the warm water and saw a barracuda up close and personal. The reefs were still partially covered in sand, due to Hurricane Ike, but I saw a lot of beautiful fish. Austin stayed home and took care of the kids. It's good to be home.

It's Been A While

I've been neglecting the blog lately. Since finishing chemo I don't feel like I have as much to say. Physically I am still tired and not sleeping well. I feel like I need a nap every day and that's just not realistic. I do rest when I can and have also been reading a lot more than usual. Emotionally I am more anxious than ever, wondering if the cancer is truly gone or when/if it will reappear. Friends who have been through this tell me the first year of waiting is the worst and it gets easier. This past month has been a transitional time. I went back to my regular 3 day work schedule the first week in March. The kids are back to after school care. Nathan started Little League. Amanda's friend Nina has been spending more time with us. Austin and I are planning our 16th wedding anniversary. We had a great Easter. I've been down to the beach with friends and family, which has been fabulous! The surgery to remove my port was quick and painless. I got the stitches out last week. I'm preparing for a vacation to the sun and have been having foob related swimsuit issues - they just don't look right, but as long as they stay secured in the suit nobody will even know. Life is good!

Stupid Cancer

This is the new t-shirt I bought at the conference. I saw another really good one that said, "YES, THESE ARE FAKE, THE REAL ONES TRIED TO KILL ME". I should have purchased it, but then again, do I really want people staring? Not so much.

Dallas Conference

Here I am with the Seattle girls in Dallas at the Young Survival Coalition's National Conference. It was a great weekend and I am so glad I went. Everyone was in a different phase of treatment, recovery and reconstruction. It was very emotional for me, everywhere I looked there was a young woman going through what I have been through. I gained a lot of new information and met many other women with triple negative. One of the women in our group is triple negative and three years out, so that is encouraging! We received medical updates from some of the nation's top oncologists, heard a very motivational speaker talk about "Embracing Life Through and After Cancer", explored exhibits and had plenty of time for Q&A, networking and relaxing. My favorite classes were: "Breast Cancer Reconstruction Options", "Raising Healthy Children when a Parent has Cancer" and "Triple Negative News You Can Use". There are lots of targeted drug therapies in the works for triple negative, especially a drug called Avastin, which I will ask my oncologist about. We had receptions each night, went out for a delicious Tex-Mex dinner on Friday and dressed up for dinner on Saturday. I am part of the Seattle group, but have only been to one meeting because it's the same night as Girl Scouts. I feel like I've bonded with these women now and really look forward to participating more during the summer. What an incredibly strong, inspiring, real group of women. Thank you to my friend Andrea for connecting me to the Seattle YSC leader when I was first diagnosed.